.every visit to the grandparents, we sat down in such a manner that i could only ever see a profile of opa and my partner could only ever see a profile of oma. they would be passing their days identically, in their armchairs, mostly watching television. this was largely due to their reduced mobility, opa would need his walking stick and oma would not be able to walk without the aid of a rollator. each of them could only see one of us, if turning heads by 90degrees. combined with their poor hearing, our conversations would consist mostly of our own monologues, sentences often repeated making our interaction being an absurd performance at times. six months after her death, this is but a recollection of her presence, a diagram of our gaze within the space.

.due to covid regulations at the hospital, no two people were allowed to visit oma ursel at once. we were taking turns and these were the only times it was just us in a room, facing each other. was just one of the many surgeries, so by this time we already celebrated christmas without her. she was moody, pale, but still enjoyed compot cherries from a supermarket glass. she would rarely make eye contact anymore and repeatedly said she is looking forward to leave this world. on one of the last days when they have already moved her to the hospiz, we received one more picture, she was more beautiful than anytime i have seen her. her features very soft like the wrinkles would even out before her departure. after her death, i cut a string of her hair.

.oma ursel was the sort of character that was maybe sometimes difficult to be around at times for some people. she seemed cold but dignified, easily dismissing issues and humans. an accountant as daily occupation and member of the fire brigade in her free time; she was showing affection exclusively to cats, never openly to her children, and donated regularly to the animal shelters. when she wanted to gift us the silverware, we refused saying we have no space. she felt sorry for us taking the silver but also not having cats. we had a silent preference of each other and not enough alone time to really get to know one another. at her burial, we watched the fire brigade paying their respects. next time we would visit the grave, the cats joined us along the way.